The Last Summer of Four

Making space for rest and presence before everything shifts

Photo by Sean Oulashin on Unsplash

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I have spent this week recovering from my fourth vocal cord surgery. It is my second one this year. I thought I knew what to expect. The first couple were manageable. I was up and moving on the second day and never touched the pain medication. This time has been different. I am on day four and still tired. I needed the medication for the first two days. I needed the week off. I never take a full week, but I definitely needed it.

The truth is that the surgery is only part of the story. There has been a steady build of change over the past few months, and my body finally insisted that I stop long enough to feel it.

In three weeks my youngest daughter graduates from high school. She has chosen to live on campus and will leave in September. My older daughter is transferring to UBC in the fall. By the end of the summer it will be just me and Sean in the house. We have not lived alone together in twenty one years.

I retire in early July. We will focus on our new company soon after. The shape of our days will shift. The shape of our family will shift. It is a lot to hold at once.

A couple of days ago the weight of it all finally landed. I talked to Sean and suggested we ask Iona to skip summer classes and that we take July and August as family time. There are so many places to explore in the Pacific Northwest. We can take day trips. We can work on the house. We can help both girls prepare for their moves. We can ease into the early stages of the business without rushing.

I expected resistance. Instead, Sean said it sounded like a good idea. He immediately started naming places we could go. That surprised me. Then I asked the girls to join the conversation. They were both on board. Iona pointed out that summer classes probably would not transfer anyway since she is close to her credit limit. The girls began offering ideas of their own.

I was stunned that everyone aligned so easily. It felt like the decision had been waiting for us to notice it.

So now we are planning a summer that is less about productivity and more about presence. Lucy and I already have a yarn trip planned. A couple of days in Oregon for her birthday. The rest will unfold as we go. Small adventures. Shared work. Time together before the next season begins.

It feels as if the universe cleared a path for us. A pause before the shift. A chance to gather ourselves before we step into a new life.

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Alison + Marlowe