Voluntary, in Name Only
The phrase gets used in movies.
An offer you can’t refuse.
Yesterday, the company announced a Voluntary Retirement Program. I’ve worked at older companies. I’ve seen VRPs before. I never thought about receiving one. I never thought much about what it would feel like to be offered an ending while still loving the work.
I’ve been deeply engaged lately. I even wrote an essay I didn’t post about how adopting AI into my daily work recharged me. I overdid it. Internal reports said I was working more than five days a week again. My family noticed anyway. I seemed happier in this role. More like myself.
That came with familiar feelings too. The constant sense of being behind while learning something new. The weight of wanting to grow, not just perform. But I could see the team’s vision. I could see the impact. The work made sense.
So the offer landed strangely. Voluntary is the word in the name, but it doesn’t feel voluntary. It’s a softer way of doing something hard. An attempt to be gentler than mass layoffs. More like conscious uncoupling than a contentious divorce. Kinder language. Still a disruption.
The job isn’t who I am. But the role has been a place to learn and grow. It fit who I thought I might be twenty years ago. Even five years ago.
Yesterday I caught myself planning retirement. Life after work. Since Covid, everything is described as unprecedented. I’ve gotten used to planning for change. I thought I was ready to move toward that version of my life.
Today, I don’t feel ready at all.
What struck me most was how shared the moment felt. People around me were processing the same news, in similar ways. Talking it through. Taking questions to our agents. Sharing back what came up. Not seeking answers so much as somewhere to hold the uncertainty out loud.
I spent part of the day hiding in data, letting the feelings arrive slowly. Details won’t come until May 7. Six weeks where life could change in a very real way.
I’m preparing for that.
I just don’t feel ready to leave this work yet.
Alison + Wiggins